The last of a marathon of posting!

I actually had a few minutes that I could sit down and write. The baby is sleeping, Jason is watching some man movie on TV, and we're snuggled up in the warmth of our house after church. This next post might seem a little blunt, but this is my journal, and I want to record my feelings. Heather says that my blog can be cryptic at times, and this will probably be no exception. Those of you who know me well enough know precisely what I'm talking about.

I'm sorry if I seem sappy in the past few posts. I guess there are just times when one reflects on their duties as parents and faces fears that they might have. All I know, is that I have a great husband who works really really hard to give Hazen and I, and any other kids we're going to have the best life possible. Sometimes it doesn't seem like Jason gets the credit he deserves from people in his life, which makes me irate. He is such a good Daddy and an excellent Husband. He's a fantastic provider, and while the steps that he has taken in his life to get him where he is, and where he's going aren't "conventional", he always puts his family first, which I am so grateful for. It's so interesting to look upon our move to Utah, and see how much better off emotionally, spiritually, financially EVERYTHING we are now, than we were a year ago. It's so frustrating to me that there are people in one's life that sometimes can't get past their own sadness or insecurities to really see how certain decisions can enhance the lives of those they supposedly love. Needless to say, we are so happy. Our life is filled with laughter, smiles, love and hard work. Deciding to start a family and move to Utah was hands down the best decision we've ever made. Jason has one last test, and then he should receive the green light for the job at the prison. This job will single-handedly get us into a home. We feel so blessed.

Life isn't so black and white, is it? To some, it's a road-map with no deviation. You go on a mission, you go to college for four years. You graduate, get married, have the same job for the rest of your life and live in the same home until the day you die. Throw some kids in there, and you're good to go. I can't tell you how unhappy Jason and I would be if that's the route that we took. Yes, Jason is older than some and it took him some time to decide what he "wanted to be", but I can confidently tell you that I would prefer him to decide earlier in his life before he really had a family to provide for than wake up one morning when he's 40 and realize he's miserable because he "stuck to the map". It's just not the way we are. I hope our kids aren't that way either. We want them to REALLY search out what it is that makes them happy, and then take the necessary steps to reach that goal. When we signed up for an eternity together, we knew it would be an adventure, and we wouldn't take it any other way. Does doing things not so much the "conventional" way signify irresponsibility? Not at all. Are our bills paid? Are we provided for in all of the crucial quadrants of life other than JUST money? You betcha. Bring on the unconventional, I say. Our lives could have turned out so differently, but at the end of the day, I am so grateful for my little family. They are what drives me, and I wouldn't change a thing.