Sunday, August 24, 2008

A Conundrum

I'm confused. I don't know if it's the fact that I'll "never" be totally happy with where I am, which I hope isn't the truth, but I've got a lot of inconsistencies in my life right now.

Why is it that right now I hate staying home with Hazen, yet the thought of letting some daycare raise my child makes me sick? I'm having such a hard time with him lately- I don't know what it is. When most other people are around, he's angelic. He has a great personality, he's fun, he's charming, but when it's just us, he turns literally into the spawn of Satan.

Why is it that I think he's more of a nightmare NOW than when he was a newborn and didn't sleep? I'm sleeping through the night, but my patience has never been thinner.

Why is it that when it's dinner time he'll eat anything you put in front of him as long as it's on our plate, too, but almost every other meal he turns away? He's turning anorexic. His eating habits are arguably the biggest challenge in my life right now. He'll love pears for two bites, then won't stomach them after that. I give him cheese, yogurt, chicken, bread, crackers, peas, carrots, pasta to choose from. Milk? Whine. Whine Whine Whine.

I honestly am at a loss. What happened to my darling baby, and why is he so awful when it's just us?

*BTW he's not teething. I'm pretty sure he's not learning a new skill. He doesn't have an earache. He's not sick. He's not growing through a growth spurt, because he would probably eat. And nap. Tylenol doesn't help. He just is making it really difficult to love being a mom lately.

17 comments:

Sarah said...

Oh yay, toddler blues... I even went through this as a nanny, but I'd imagine that it feels 300 times worse when you are actually the mommy. Is there another mommy you are friends with that you can swap playdates with and have a couple hours to yourself a couple days a week, then you take her child for a couple hours, a couple days per week? It might give you a break and also, give Hazen someone new to play with in your house.

I don't know if it is true, but it might have a lot to do with his newfound independence- he is realizing he has control over parts of his life so he is testing every boundary he possibly can. Stick to your guns, make sure you have a few established rules that you consistently make him follow, and eventually he will be a nice boy again.

Good luck honey! I hope something helps. Maybe teach him how to read and then show him your blogs and tell him he should be more grateful because he has an awesome mom.

Annemarie said...

Motherhood is not always bliss...unfortunately. Hang in there, the frustrating stuff won't last forever..I promise!!!

Grandma Turtle said...

You've heard of 'the terrible twos'....it starts the day after their first birthday, when they are on the path to being 2. The nice part is: he'll be over it most likely by the time he is 3. Try not to worry about his eating too much.....when he's hungry, he'll eat! You and Jason are doing a great job of parenting. Too bad each child doesn't come with a personal manual so we'd know what to watch for and how to treat their inconsistencies.

Hazen5 said...

One day you will look back and say "where did the time go!" I know you'll hate me for this but, enjoy the ups and downs of mothering because it goes by so fast. He'll get better, I promise!

Unknown said...

Parents all over the world say the same thing - it never gets "easier", it just changes.

Blake was my angel baby and then he turned 15 months and turned into Satan. He started being reasonable by 4 years old. Motherhood is so stinkin fun!!

Heart ya!!

diane said...

Welcome to the irony that is motherhood.

Amanda Fetters said...

First, a big MUAH!!! and a hug. We are going through a lot of the same crap -- especially since L figured out how to throw tantrums. I second Sarah on getting out of the house. Also, right now I am reading "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" (I think the author's last name is Karp), and it is full of sooooo many ingenious ideas. I don't agree with everything, but it's beautimous anyway. Get it!!!

Connie said...

About the time you can't take it anymore, he will change.

Kirsten Krason said...

Sorry you are feeling this way. I can imagine it is hard. Perhaps I need to make up a modern dance for you and perform it in my wedding dress. I think it would make you feel better.

let me know.

Unknown said...

Loves to you!

Nortorious said...

They all go through hateful periods. You need more time away. Go shopping. You'll miss him.

♥Shally said...

Ahh... toddlerhood.

Don't worry about his eating. My son did the same thing, and I freaked out thinking he was starving to death.

Now with my 4th, I know they are just going to eat when they want to and it is all ok.

Brandi Lyn said...

Don't feel bad...you're simply hitting somewhere close to the toddler stage. FUN FUN! lol. BUT, i can promise you this, when he gets through the completely annoying stage you will appreciate how adorable he is and be so proud of what he's learned while he was purly Satan for so long. :)

Nicci has been going through a simialar little phase. The second Seth gets home from work i literally run out the door for 5 min of sanity as i hear "MOMMMMMY!!!" trailing behind me. It is perfectly normal to have those days when you swear you will never ever ever EVER go through this torture one more time. lol. I just updated my facebook status to "Brandi is tired. Very very tired." What it should TRULY read is "Brandi's lucky she still has a 2 year old, because 5 seconds ago she almost got thrown off the balcony!"

I'm sorry this phase is hard for you. :( Maybe go back to the blog posts and read about what amazing child he was before he was possessed with the pre-toddler/devil stage. :) Just remember, it WILL pass.

Motherhood just rocks doesn't it?! :)

weeze or Alissa said...

Yea,,,my whole time with my youngest was the DEAMON TIME. Just find something to remember the fun times by and not the other times.

Amanda Fetters said...

I also love this post on Tales from the Crib.

Sarah said...

It's been a few days... how's Mr Baby Jekyl and Hyde?

Stephanie said...

Oh, I have SO been there with Eva. Just a couple of days ago, in fact. I broke down crying and said out loud, "I don't want to be a mom any more!" Yeah, sometimes being a mom is great, but sometimes it sucks too. I hope he gets better for you! I love you!