I'm not so naive to think that my child is so perfect that he doesn't need some sort of discipline in his life. He is SUCH a good boy, but he's getting to the age and stage where he's learning to work the system, and I've been treading a thin line of HOW exactly to illustrate when the choices that he's made are bad ones. One of the most common phrases in our home these days is, "Soft and gentle touch". Basically, this translates to, "Don't hit me, kid". Hazen went through a bit of a biting phase, but after literally 3 or 4 flicks on the cheek, that one cleared itself right up. Hitting, however, is a whole 'nother ball game. It's such a Catch 22, because really, when he's smacking me on the face, and he KNOWS it's naughty (his face says it all), after being patient with him 45,000 times, you just WANT to hit him back, but really, WHAT good would that do? "Hazen, I'm teaching you not to hit me by hitting you." Plus, I know if I did I'd end up feeling worse and being the one crying worse than he was. So, for now, and for family history documenting purposes, this is the drill:
1. Hazen hits me.
2. I take his hand, demonstrate how to touch softly, and say, "Soft and gentle touch"
3. He does it again.
4. I take his hand. Tell him, "We don't hit!" and repeat Step 2.
5. He does it again.
6. Last chance. Repeat Step 4
7. He does it again. (Or hey, sometimes he doesn't!)
8. I pick him up, tell him we don't hit, and he goes to Time Out in the crib.
9. Hazen gets 1-2 minutes in the crib, while he screams, and I stand outside wondering if I'm doing it right
10. I pick him up. He promptyly throws his tear-stained, snot covered face into my shoulder and shudders a few sobs.
11. We go to the couch, where I repeat Step 2 a few times. He cries a little bit more, but seems to listen, and then, in the moment of truth......gives me a kiss before resting his little head on my chest.
Hazen, I KNOW you're trying to learn how to make good choices, but sometimes it's hard to remember, and sometimes, you just don't feel like it. Here's the deal, Bub, I'll be patient with you learning, if you promise to be patient with me trying to know how best to be your Mama.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
The Thin Line of Discipline
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7 comments:
Seriously cute! I love being a momma!
I will be interested to hear what people say. I think Braden will be getting to that age soon. I think what you are doing is great. I think at this age it's all about consistency.
Ok I had major hitting issues with my first who is now a married man...he better not hit anymore or I'll call the cops. Anyhow, I would trace his hand on paper sometimes each day. We would talk about what hands are for, eating, helping, sharing, hugging... We hung these helping hand pictures all over the house. When the hitting began we would say,"Hands are not for hitting, they are for helping, sharing,etc." I don't know, sometimes it worked.
You are doing great.
That is so sweet. I about cried. You are doing such a good job being a mom.
I loved that Anne, I know exactly how you feel. I was just thinking today what I should do with Kate when she makes a poor choice. I try really hard to explain to her "no" and it seems the firmer I say it the more she laughs and does it again. If you figure out the magic thing to do, let me know! I think your a great mom, and Hazen is a darling little boy.
We struggle with this every day. Not hitting precisely, but disciplining the naughty stuff. I asked Caleb the other day, "why are you yelling at Isaac?" To which he responded, "I'm not yelling at him, I'm screaming at him." Caleb, 1, Mommy, 0. Good luck!
I haven't forgotten your comment. I wanted to give it some real consideration and I've had a busy day. The email from it is starred in my email box. Some comments don't need thought, so they just get posted quickly.
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