Some days I feel like a bad mom. It's not that I've yelled at Hazen, or been angry with him, or haven't played with him at all. It's just that some days, I don't feel like I do ENOUGH. Do you ever feel like that? I guess that some of these feelings can stem from reading blogs. I see so many wonderful mothers- especially the ones that have more than one kid, and I see them doing things that I don't. I honestly don't know how I'll have more than one child one day. Nearly everyone I know who had a baby within a month or two (either direction) of Hazen is pregnant again. I guess the conundrum for me is that I'm not baby hungry, but I feel guilty that I'm not baby hungry, so I feel like I need to make myself want a baby, but I don't know how! Let's not even mention the fact that the timing would be so horrible for our family. I watched my sister's kids last week for 3 days, and while they were SO good, I honestly didn't know how I would do it. I had anxiety for weeks building up to it. I just don't know how to handle more than 1 child.
I'm a good mom to Hazen, I know that. But could I be better? Is he going to grow up wishing that I had helped him string popcorn on a piece of yarn, because I don't do that. I love the crap out of him. I read to him, but sometimes, when he walks up to be holding a book, and saying "Weee-ooooo-weeee-oooo", I tell him to go find me a ball, because I don't feel like reading to him. That makes me feel like crap. All too soon he's going to not want to give me the time of day, and I'm going to be kicking myself for the moments that I JUST.NEEDED.A.BREAK. He's going through a spurt right now when he'll be awful for me at times, or just ignore me and want nothing to do with me, but the second Jason walks in the room his arms are wrapped around his Daddy's neck, and he's showering him with kisses. While I'm so happy that he loves his father, this makes me sad sometimes. Does he pick up on my laziness? Did the 20 minutes I ignored him in the morning so I get just a little more sleep have more of an impact than I thought? I want to be a better mom, but some days, I just don't feel like I'm capable of more. In good news, since I've tried not to wish away my days with him, "I can't wait until....", I've enjoyed life with my little Hazen so much more. I love him with all that I am, but sometimes I wonder....
Is it enough?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Bad Mom Syndrome
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15 comments:
Ok so I do not have a ton of mothering experience under my belt yet since Clara is only 4 months old but I can relate to some of what you're saying. I think every mom has times when she just needs a break! I need several a day! I like to think that taking the breaks makes me a better mom to Clara the rest of the day and not feel too guilty about it.
As far as having another baby goes I think it's impossible to live in Utah and not feel the pressure. But you should definitely wait until you're ready. Don't feel bad about not wanting another right now, only you know what timing is right for you and your family.
And I think you're a great mom to Hazen!!
Sometimes I get done reading blogs feeling totally down on myself because I'm not "as good" as all the mothers out there--like nothing makes me special at all because there are a billion other people out there doing the exact same thing I am. And then I remember that I AM special--because my kids love me and not any other mom. And that makes me feel better.
Don't question your mothering skills, just get the picture of your naked kid off of the internet!
I second Rob...you never know what scary, lurky, pedophile could be enjoying that pic a litte too much..that said, those are some CUTE buns!
We ALL feel this way. The important thing is to do your best. My motherhood motto is, "Thy sins are forgiven thee because thou hast loved much"...if all else fails-my kids DO know I love them.
Anne,
You're a GREAT Mama. You have an enthusiasm for life and a happiness that is so contagious. Hazen is so lucky to be around you. Whether you're worn out or at your best, he loves you. I related a lot with what you said. Playing the comparison game is always a bad idea - at least it is for me. You give him your time and your attention.
Girl, you just said EXACTLY what has been rolling around in my brain lately. There's just nothing more for me to say, because you said it all. And it's nice to know that I'm not the only one. xoxo
Something else I was going to say - it is NOT FAIR to compare your own mothering habits to other blogger mommies (it's hard not to though, I do it too). Blogging is very edit-friendly, and it is all too easy to leave out the less-than-perfect mommy moments and make everything look like peaches and cream.
Read this post and all the comments. It will make you feel better, promise. Don't drink anything while you're reading it, though, or you could end up with a wet computer. http://www.mormonmommywars.com/?p=1516
Hello,
Im a lurker so it seems ridiculous to offer you advice .... but from reading your blog - you are not a bad Mom, you are a normal Mum (who has good days and not soo good days - like all normal Mums. Dont rush into having more bubbies just enjoy the one you have. My children are older and they turned out great (and I actually HID a book I was that sick of reading) so relax and enjoy it gets easier as they get older too. Also (opps this is a v long comment)all kids think dads or aunties or teachers are more fun than Mums... thats life!
Elizabeth
hey...did you get my invite finally :) sorry about that... and about your mothering skills...we'll lets just say you've got them! It's way hard to not think of what more you can do...but let's be honest, there is always more, but you just have to get to the 'more' one day at a time, not all at once! You are great ;)
Guilt is the prime emotion of motherhood. Just remember that blogs are not real life, just the sugar coated version people want you to see.
I find when I'm feeling down that if I go watch Maury or some such garbage, I instantly feel better about myself, I mean, at least my kids know who their daddy is, right?
And don't feel guilty for not having another kid just because it seems like everyone else is. Having two is HARD, especially when your husband is gone a lot. Just because you're mormon doesn't mean that you have to squeeze one out every 2 years right on schedule. Jackson is going to be almost 4 by the time I have another one, and it was such a relief just to take the pressure off myself and do it on my own schedule.
You're doing great, keep it up!
Go to BC. Read my post. YOu'll feel like Marjorie Hinckley when you compare yourself to me.
But it might not make you want to have more kids...
You are a great mom!!!! I keep giving Logan concussions because he is learning to sit on his own and just when I think he's fine and move away at all, he lands flat on his head and starts crying! (Little nerd...) Also, you do expose him to a lot of things, and that's great, but kids need downtime too. They need to take that time and make something of it.
Wanted to ask you... did you send me Everyday Cooking?? Is that what you sent? Irandomly got a magazine in the mail and thought of you. ;-) If so, thank you so much!!! And if not, then you really need to get this mag, because it rocks!!! If we were there, we'd totally have playgroups with you!
Oh and those little baby buns are irresistible. He has such a skinny little toosh, it's cute!
It is enough. Absolutely. And he is like that with Dad because Dad time is like a special occasion, whereas Mom time is a constant. I remember wondering after I had Krew if I would ever want to have another baby. He was SO HARD I just couldn't even go there... Then Cash came by surprise and was an angel baby- and I still wonder- when will I WANT to do that again? The point is, I think that you will be ready when you are ready and you will be the only one who knows when that is. There is no time table or quota to fill. Just be patient with yourself. Mothering is HARD WORK and we learn every single day. if it makes you feel any better, I put Cash in his crib for like 15 minutes today and just left him there because I simply couldn't take his crying any longer, and I needed a break! I went back after with a renewed patience (thank heavens) and I don't feel sorry for doing that at all. You are a good Mom and the best possible mom for your baby. End novel here. :)
You don't need approval from anyone but Jason....wait..wait...wait....you will never get this time back one on one. Remember the sign above his bed. "you were worth the wait"
Enjoy little one. Hazen needs all of you .
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