Thursday, August 30, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
I promise updates, so I guess that I have to follow through. The tone of this post is probably going to be more upbeat, although, the information is exponentially worse.
Remember the time that I complained because no one knew anything? I think the unknown is a whole lot less of a biatch than the truth. So, they got the placental report back. I guess that it's standard for premies. There were a lot of strange things on it, so Dr. Gerday, the stuttering (but really really really good) French guy made an appointment with me at 5 to discuss some of the findings. I walked in there, and immediately, 3 drs, 2 respiratory therapist, and 2 nurses all pulled up chairs next to me. My first cause for concern and alarm.
He informed me that there were 2 main problems with the placenta. 1- a good portion of it had died. So, in reality, if they hadn't of taken the baby when they did, he would have died for sure. Now the bad news. 2- There were large calcium deposits located throughout the placenta. This is really rare in such premature babies, and the calcium deposits, combined with the seizures and his lethargy gives them extremely valid reason to believe that my sweet baby will have lasting brain damage. We won't know until the end of the week the extent or severity, but this was like a slap in the face.
In good news, the Dr did tell me that his life wasn't in jeapordy, but I never ever ever imagined that I'd be faced with the very possible reality that I'd be taking home a handicapped baby. I still love him desperately, and I still count down the days until I can take him home, but I just can't believe how much life keeps on crapping on us. Let's all pray that the MRI shows little to no damage, and that he can lead a relatively normal life. I love my little boy, and I know all you do too, I can feel it in your sweet, loving comments. You have no clue how much they sustain me.
In other news, lets have a shoutout to the Greenan sisters. In the words of Paige on my sister's blog, they are now our "I deal with family dysfunction with vicious humor" sisters. I will say, that I must be the favorite Hazen however, because I'm pretty sure that ALL of the Greenan sisters commented on my last blog, except for Camille, but good ole Pam "jumped the shark" when she had her, so I guess I'm not missing much! :o)
Here's to a better day tomorrow, because seriously, life has GOT to throw us a bone at some point. I'll let you know what we find out as soon as we get the MRI back. And as soon as I actually understand this better.
Posted by AnnEE at 11:59 PM
Have you ever gotten to the point where you just don't think you can hack it anymore? I'm there. I've been there since yesterday, and I don't know when I'm going to get away from there. This is too hard. There, I've said it. It's too hard, and I don't know how I'm supposed to do it anymore. I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry to have blog diarrhea, but I just can't take the time to write down my feelings, and I have to get them out somehow, so blogspot, you're it. The doctors don't know what's wrong with Hazen. They can't quite figure him out. Just when they think that they've got it nailed down on what his problems are, he develops something bigger, or worse, or more worrisome. I think that's one of the hardest things. The doctors can't even tell me what's wrong with him. Do you know how frustrating it gets when every sentence that comes from a doctor begins with, "We're really concerned", or, "He just isn't getting better"?
I'm so frustrated. I'm angry, scared and pissed, but I don't know who to be mad at. I want to be mad at myself, but that doesn't make it feel any better. I'm not mad at my sweet baby, but I'm so frustrated. WHY can't he get better? It's been 19 days now, with probably more digression than progress. I'm frustrated at the doctors, because they're supposed to have all of the answers, but I know that they're doing the best they can, so I'm not really mad at them. I want to hold and to love my little boy, but each time I do it makes me love him more, which is too hard. I feel like such a failure as a mother, because in the back of my mind I'm preparing myself for him not to make it. Mom's don't do that. Mom's have more faith than anyone, but I'm out. This is by far the worst thing that has even happened in my life, and it just seems like it's topped on so many other things that we've got going on. Jason is bending over backwards trying to be successful at the fire academy, and work, making time for Hazen, and trying to be supportive to me, but it's just too much. I feel so horrible, because he's already so over-extended, and I don't want to be any more of a drain on him than life already is.
I want words of hope from the Doctors, but even they can't offer that. It seems like they just don't know anymore if there's hope to give. I sound like such a Debbie Downer, but in all reality, I DON'T know if my baby will be ok. I DON'T know when he will come home, and all I can do is pray that he does. I just want a phone call saying that he's turned the corner, or at least that for once they know WHAT is wrong with him, and that they have a steady course of action. I just don't know how to do another day of this.
I will say that I DO thank my blog readers for READING instead of calling every 10 minutes for updates. It's just too hard to break everything down for all of our family members and friends. You can never imagine how emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining this is. If I seem grumpy, unfriendly, or negative, I'm not, I'm just trying to get through another day. Tick tock. Please be understanding, hopefully I'll be back to myself someday. Just be patient, and don't ask to hold my baby. The end. Love you all.
Posted by AnnEE at 3:25 PM
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Posted by AnnEE at 11:04 PM
Ok, this plug is not so much for me at all, however, next week sometime, once my darling boy gets taken off of the Nasal CPAP, Kelli Saunders is coming to the hospital to shoot some pictures of him. She is amazing! If I had known about her skills, I would have had her do my wedding in a HEARTBEAT, but I guess that at least I have all of the rest of my life to have her photograph important life events, right? Go to her website, www.kellinicolephoto.com. Hopefully, my dear boy will make the website, or at least the blog!!!
In other news, I apologize for the lack of updating on Hazen over the past few days. It's mostly been more of the same. He hasn't had any seizure activity since he was seizuring all day on Sunday, which is a huge blessing. They did a Lumbar Puncture, MRI, scans, blood tests, etc, and still can't nail down the cause of the seizures. I guess we might never know. However, I can and will tell you that it was absolutely horrible to be holding my sweet baby, and have him taken away from me, and then have to walk away from him while he was laying on the bed seizing. Seriously, worst enemy, wouldn't wish it on them. He was taken off of the Nasal CPAP on Sunday, and put on a canula, then put back on the CPAP, then taken off on Wednesday, then put back on it Thursday. He's still on the CPAP today, which is like a big ole mask thing, and I just spoke with the Dr, who said that his CO2 sats are still too high. One of the reasons for this is because of a trait that he inherited from his mama: he just can't keep his mouth closed! It's messing up his sats when he's always sleeping with his mouth wide open! It's pretty funny, but, his kidneys need to kick into gear to regulate it, so hopefully they'll get moving pretty soon! He is adorable though, and I've been able to hold him a few times over the past few days. I love him so much!!!
Posted by AnnEE at 10:55 AM
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Please get better. I'm running out of space in my freezer, and soon, Aunt Dadoo will be too. When you get home, you'll have to thank her for letting us store your milk in her extra freezer. And you'll have to thank me for getting up 4 times a night to have some very intimate time with a green machine. I'd much rather hang out with you.
Posted by AnnEE at 11:23 PM
Sunday, August 19, 2007
See? I told you.
We got to do the Kangaroo Care today. It's when the baby (in only a diaper) lays on your bare chest. I can't even tell you how AWESOME it was to feel his little drool roll down my chest. He really is dreamy. He also sleeps EXACTLY like me. Mouth wiiiiide open, but I think it's pretty much the cutest thing ever. They took him off of the CPAP (which is like a nasal mask thing, it's a ventilator), but he was working a little bit too hard, so I think they'll put him back on. It totally covers his mouth, which is a bummer, but I'd rather see him in that, then in distress.
They also have him doing some tests today because they think he might be having little seizures. It's either that, or a reaction to some medication, so hopefully it was the meds. I love him so much! We're doing better, but he still has a LONG road ahead of him. I'm so grateful for such a beautiful, sweet, perfect little boy though.
Posted by AnnEE at 5:22 PM
Friday, August 17, 2007
Ok, this totally could be TMI, but hey, since I've been sharing EVERY other aspect of my life with you blogging peeps, I figure this is a good one. Today I thought that I was going to die. Seriously. I was having a pleasant conversation about SYTYCD and blogging on the phone with Heather (Sista in the House), while pumping, and looked down, and BAM.
It was red. I was pumping fry sauce colored milk. Ok, so obviously I freak out, because HI!!! that's not normal.
All Heather can do is laugh and laugh and laugh over the fact that I pumped Strawberry milk. She then asked if I thought I could get Chocolate out of the other side. Thanks, sis, for being so supportive during my near death experience.
I read someone comment on another blog that blogging in "Myspace for Mommies", so I assume that most of my readers are women, which is why I don't really give a crap about telling all ya'll about my boobs. However, if there are men that are freaked out, suck it up. :o)
Posted by AnnEE at 2:12 PM
Thursday, August 16, 2007
His lung is reinflated, and looks just like it should. I talked to the nurse this morning, and she said that he was cranky, so they gave him some morphine. He had some REALLY bad swelling from being on his left side for 5 days, so my response to the crankiness was, "Shoot, if my arm was the size of Texas, I'd be cranky too!!!" I'll take the crankiness- I haven't heard a peep out of him since...well....EVER!!
So, this is good. The Dr will call me after he does rounds, but this is the update of the moment. We are so grateful!!
Posted by AnnEE at 9:27 AM
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
HAL is actually doing much better today. YAY!!!
Dopamine: He's been weaned off of it, and his blood pressure is staying totally stable without it.
Antibiotics: He no longer needs them
Lungs: They've flipped him back to his back, and are re-inflating his lungs. They are doing an X-Ray at 10 pm, so we'll see if it's looking like it should. More on that tomorrow probably
Heart Meds: He gets his last dose tonight, and they're doing a heart Echo tomorrow to see if it took. Keep your fingers crossed and keep on praying!
Speaking of praying, I've been doing a lot of it, however, I've also been doing a lot of falling asleep while praying. Is it bad to say a prayer to specifically apologize for sleeping through prayers?? Hope not. :o)
Posted by AnnEE at 5:34 PM
Monday, August 13, 2007
Don't get alarmed. This post is actually not (completely) about my boy.
We went to the hospital tonight to see him and for Jason to give him a blessing. That is not the part that outraged me. As we drove around looking for a parking spot I saw a woman in a hospital gown standing outside smoking. Jason and I were slightly perplexed at the fact that someone who has been admitted to a hospital would smoke- it just seems a little counter-intuitive.
We parked the car and walked towards the door of the hospital, and I saw a very familiar bump on this woman. On her stomach. This biznatch who was VERY VERY pregnant was standing outside of the hospital SMOKING. At first I was shocked, but then I became very upset. I looked at her, completely aghast, and started bawling as we walked away. I didn't drink soda, I stayed away from people who smoked, I even sacrificed SUSHI for the whole time I was pregnant so that my boy would come out strong and healthy, and here I was coming to see my sweet baby in the NICU. How dare she harm her baby INTENTIONALLY????
Jason was proud. I didn't throw down. I kind of didn't have the emotional wherewithall to do it. But I wanted to. It's hard. Part of me wants to say, "I hope your baby is sick so you learn your lesson", but no baby deserves to be sick and hurt. So, "I hope you develop some type of mysterious infection after you give birth to a perfectly healthy baby that not only keeps you from ever being able to procreate again, but gives you sickly blisters all over your face, and especially painful ones on your genitals that cause your baby daddy to leave you and he gains full custody of the baby, remarries a perfectly sweet woman who would never dream of smoking while pregnant, and you end up ugly and alone." So there.
Posted by AnnEE at 10:24 PM
Jason with his boy. Please note the size difference. :o)
Some flowers I got from Becky and BJ. The pink one is for me, and the blue ones are for my boy. Something about the amazing vibrance from these flowers makes me really happy. And hopeful.
My little one sleeping on his left side- so as to collapse his lung.
I love this one. When we go visit Hazen, the whole time, I take his little hand (this, by the way is NOT my hand), and I hold it. Yesterday, I had one sweaty ring finger. Totally worth it though. Look at those hands, aren't they dreamy? NEWSFLASH: Everything about my boy is completely dreamy.
Funny story- I'll take whatever I can get, but I was standing by his bed the other day, and all of a sudden, a gush of liquid fell on my foot. I was really confused, but looked down, and saw this yellow container. I asked the nurse if he by chance had a catheter- he does. MY BOY PEED ON MY FOOT!!!! WEEEHOO! Now, I ask you to refer to earlier posts by me where I complained of my fear of being peed on by a boy. My oh my, how things can change!
Anyway. Monday update- He's been on his left side again for over 24 hours. They took another X Ray, and his left lung is completely collapsed. (A good thing). The air pockets are gone, so they're going to leave him on his side for another 24-48 hours so that the lungs can heal more. This is improvement, and that makes me happy. In other news though, there is a vessel that is located right above his heart. While he was in my belly, it was ok that the vessel was open, but it should have closed by now. It hasn't, so they're going to give him medication that only has a 30-40% success rate for getting the job done. They can administer 3 doses a round, which are all 24 hours apart. So, in 76 hours, they will reevaluate to see if any progress has been made. If it's fixed, then YAY!!! If SOME progress has been made, but not all, then they can do one more round of 3 doses each. If no progress has been made, or if after the 2 round it's still not fixed, then it looks like surgery.
So, faithful blog readers: Your job, if you choose to accept it, is to join with us in some dilligent prayers that Hazen will be one of the 30-40% for which this medicine helps. I know that faith is the one thing that is going to get us all through this specific trial in our lives, and I can't tell you how much all of your support means to me. I know that my baby will be ok one day, and when it comes, I can't tell you how much each time I can hold him, and kiss him, and see his sweet face will mean to me.
Posted by AnnEE at 12:00 PM
Sunday, August 12, 2007
I'll admit. I've been in the honeymoon period. Baby is born. YAY. Baby gets put in NICU. BOO. Baby gets steadily better every day. YAY.
Then today, I was oh not so gently reminded: I have a baby that is very sick. He is not ok, because if he WERE ok, he'd be coming home with me in 6 hours. I have a baby who is connected to more wires and machines in his 3 short days of life than most people EVER experience.
This is going to be a rollercoaster ride of emotions. It's hard. It is not fun, and I would not wish upon anyone to have to see their baby hurt. I know I'm strong, and I can handle it, but he shouldn't have to. Not my little dreamboat. I'm madly in love with this new little boy, and I haven't even held him yet!
I'm excited for him to be done being under the Bili lights for his Jaundice so they can take off his thug hat, and I can see his beautiful face again. For the past two days, I've been having to make due with just his little lips. He sleeps like me. Mouth open, tongue ALMOST hanging out. Atta boy. They had to put him in a medically induced coma today, so he's essentially paralized for a little while. His left lung was worse than they thought it was, so they had to collapse it and see if doing that would stop the air pockets that they've been seeing. I'm anxious to see what the test results are, and if doing so has improved his situation like they hoped- but I guess I can wait until morning to go up there. His blood pressure isn't staying up without the Dopamine, so they had to put him back on it, thus stopping feeding him my milk. A bummer, because I feel like being able to give him food is the only thing I can really DO for him, so hopefully they'll be able to continue to wean the Dopamine and his BP will stay stable. They're also trying to wean him from the ventilator. That truly is a SLLLOOOOOWWW process, but that's the one thing that they've been able to slowly put surely see some improvement on. The cardiologist will get here on Monday to run another Heart Echo to see how his murmur is doing. They can't address that too much until he's completely off of the vent, so hopefully tomorrow will see some big strides. Or little ones. I'll take whatever I can get.
Pray for my boy. He's so beautiful and perfect and lovely- he shouldn't be dealing with this. I've been so stable, so together, but today, all I could do was cry and cry and cry. I know our Heavenly Father is watching over us, but it is so trying of one's faith to see something so innocent and perfect suffer. So, here's to having a good day tomorrow. Here's to letting my sweet baby know that his mama loves him more than anything. And here's to SOME sort of stabilization of hormones!!
Posted by AnnEE at 1:57 AM
Friday, August 10, 2007
You know how they say that when your baby is born, you magically love it more than you ever thought possible? You know how they say that you would do anything for him, just to make him happy or healthy? You know how they say that you would risk your own comfort and safety just to make sure that your baby will be ok?? You know how they say that your whole world changes overnight??
It's all true.
Posted by AnnEE at 7:02 PM
Thursday, August 9, 2007
After pumping 10 times and getting NOTHING, I got enough to actually write home about. Ok, so it's still like, 1/4 tsp, but HEY, after feeling like a stinking cow, and not feeling like I could do anything to help my baby, I feel SO happy. Giving him the vital gift of breastmilk is the BEST (and only) thing I can really do to help, so I'm more than thrilled that I can contribute. See, baby? Mama loves you!
Posted by AnnEE at 9:04 PM
This is with his mysterious black person hair. It makes us laugh pretty hard. This morning, his hair was much less...uhhh....ethnic. He's a dream!
Jason's hands are HUGE, but for a 4 lb baby, so are HAL's feet. They are ginormous! I think I'm going to print this picture in black and white.
My boy sleeping. He is so cute!
Jason is already an amazing father. Here he is giving him a big kiss!!
Posted by AnnEE at 5:36 PM
So, I'd like to post a picture, but for some reason, Utah Valley won't let me. No, hospital, a nakey picture of my baby boy does NOT qualify as porn, but oh well!!
An update you ask? Sure. Sorry that I didn't really update you too much yesterday. It truly was the LONGEST day of my life, most of which was spent in a drug-induced haze, however, I just had 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep, and man, I feel good!
Hazen Alma Lee was born yesterday at 7:02 am. They wheeled me in at 6:45 for an emergency C-Section, and 15 minutes later, boom! He was out. All things considered, the birth went very well. I was really really really nervous about the epidural, but that wasn't only "mildly uncomfortable", and really didn't hurt at all. The C Section itself didn't hurt, I only felt pressure as they were digging around in there, and the anthesthesiologist.....I'm not sure if I spelled that right....was fabulous. He was RIGHT there, and I think could feed into my apprehension very well, and would medicate me (which was PRECISELY what I wanted), and my nerves grew. When they wheeled me into the room, I was shaking SO uncontrollably, which was probably my least favorite part of the entire ordeal. Honestly, I went in and out of consciousness the entire hour plus I was on the operating table, but I could maintain conversation with Jason just fine. It was weird. I'd be totally KNOCKED out, but then I'd say something that totally made sense to him the next minute. Highlight of the experience? When Jason came over holding our baby and brought him down so I could look over and see him. Jason was crying, but was so strong holding our little boy in his big hands. Very tender. I love my husband more than I can express.
They sewed me up, and I spent a good part of yesterday drifting in and out of sleep, but I finally got to see my boy at about 2 pm. Weird, I birthed him at 7 am, but didn't see him for 7 hours after. However, Jason and my mom went over regularly to check on him, so I know he was in good hands. The NICU here is really good. They put him on a ventilator to help him breath, and weaned him from it pretty quickly in the afternoon, but by nighttime they had to crank it back up. His lungs were still very underdeveloped, but all of the doctors don't seem to be overly concerned, as if it's something they deal with very frequently. I'm looking forward to going up there in a few hours to talk with the Drs now that I'm not so much in my cloud, and I might actually UNDERSTAND some of the stuff they're telling me.
When I went up to see him last night, I couldn't help but cry. He is so beautiful, but at the same time I feel SOOO guilty. It isn't fair that he be hooked up to all of those machines. There's a breathing machine that makes him shake really really fast as it's doing the breathing for him, and it's just not fair. I know it's silly to feel guilty, but in all honesty, I wish I could have baked him for a little bit longer. I guess my headache was one that worried the Drs sufficiently to take the baby because of it's effects on me, but I wish that I could have just "dealt" with it longer. I did try to lie a little to say it wasn't as bad as it was, which bought me a few hours, but I'm just so frustrated that my little fib couldn't buy me a few DAYS!
It's so weird that I'm a mom. I haven't even held my baby yet. I had gas yesterday, which felt a lot like him kicking, and I had to remind myself, HOLD UP...not baby, just farts! (Which, incidentally, meant that I got to eat real food, so I've never been SO excited for flattulence in my entire life!) I'll let you know what I find out today with HAL. He is so cute. He was 3 lbs 14 oz, 17 inches, and has the biggest feet I've ever seen on a newborn. He got his Daddy's lips (YESSSSSSS!!!!), and kind of has this mystery black-person hair, which cracks Jason and I up. We can't quite figure the hair out, but I'm sure it will make a little more sense to us today. I'm working REALLY hard to pump every three hours to give him the one thing I feel that I can do to help heal him. I got like, three drops last night, which they're going to feed him from a syringe, and finally I felt like I was doing something. Then, go figure, nothing in the past three pumps, which is slightly frustrating for me, because you know me. I'm a fixer. I want to fix my baby.
Heather said that having a Premie was hard. I have a feeling I had NO idea. However, with that said, we are so blessed. He could have had SO many more problems. He could have been so much sicker, smaller, underdeveloped. The Lord really blessed us, and I KNOW that he'll be ok. It's just patience, which as many of you know, is my cardinal flaw- I have none. I'll do what it takes to get my boy healthy and home. While I wasn't READY to be a mom two months early, I can do it, and I know he can pull through too. Thank you so much for your prayers, support, and love. It really really means a lot! I'll post a picture as soon as the network will let me----
Posted by AnnEE at 5:45 AM
Monday, August 6, 2007
Funniest thing that has been said to me in a LONG time comes compliments of my dear sweet hubby. I love the man. He is sooooo good about being sweet and supportive, and sometimes, his words get jumbled, and things don't quite come out as they should. For example:
Yesterday, I wasn't feeling well AT ALL, so he called the hospital, and they said that it would be best just to bring me in again, to be safe. So, I ran a comb through my previously unbrushed hair, brushed my teeth, and commented that I looked "amazing".
J: Well do you want a hat so your hair will stay back?
A: No, lets not make an already unpleasant picture worse
J: Aw baby, you couldn't look any worse!
I process, and then immediately start giggling, because I know that's not what he meant to say. He processess, albeit slower than I did, and get a HORRIFIED look on his face. All he can say is, "Oh no.....ohhh no...oh no." By this time, I have tears coming down my cheeks because it was so funny. He's still apologizing, but truthfully, I'm glad he said it, because it gave me a GOOOOOD laugh.
Posted by AnnEE at 12:17 PM
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Wow. Seriously?? Ive been on strict bedrest since Tuesday, and I think I just might die. You know how there are women who call themselves "ladies of leisure", just because they sit around all day? They are lazy. And stupid. And wasting away their entire lives. Since Tuesday, I have: Read US Weekly, written Thank You Notes, Slept, Watched 6 movies from Blockbuster, spent at least 13 hours in the hospital, watched a few really gay Lifetime movies, and one good one, talked on the phone, taken 4 showers and 1 bath, held Max once, tickled Abbies leg while she was over visiting, and been really bored. I just have to remember.... Bedrest at home is WAYYY better than at the hospital. Thus, my new mantra. But, seriously.....if anyone wants to come over and play a game, Ill love you forever. Like REEEAALLLY forever. Minus CatchPhrase, because that just doesnt sound fun.
Posted by AnnEE at 8:20 PM
Thursday, August 2, 2007
So, I know that my pity party will most likely result in a snotty comment from Heather, although, I do implore her to remember that I never made THAT much fun of her while she was having her pregnancy pity parties, but oh well! Please take note that this is in no way, size, shape, or form an attempt to fish for compliments, but merely a chance to talk about how I'm feeling. That is why we blog right? To share everything with the public as opposed to keeping it a little more private in our journals?? :o)
I was grossly dissallusioned as to what pregnancy entailed when I done and got knocked up. I imagined that I was going to be one of "those girls" who dressed really super cute, got a bump that just protruded from belly, only got mildly sick, and had the "lustrious hair and skin" that those piece of crap magazines rave and rave about. WRONG. Having lost ten lbs before I got pregnant, I was feeling pretty good that the weight thing was going to be too ridiculous. WRONG. In my first Trimester, the only stupid thing I could keep down was Subway sandwiches and fast food. Not great for your figure. However, I'm not going to sit and complain about weight that I've gained (40 lbs....no, I'm not kidding), because I know I'm a hard worker, and I will do what it takes to get back to me. I'm more sad about other things. Like my big huge swollen face. Or the random bumps/acne-like WHAT-THE-HECKS that have taken up residence on my face and chest. Last week, I looked in the mirror, and burst into tears. My nose is huge, and I almost don't recognize the person that looks back. Seriously. I don't look like the same person! Yesterday, in the hospital, to try to illustrate to the nurse that the swelling in my face isn't just some random fat chick trying to complain, I pulled out a pre-pregnancy picture from my wallet. She gasped, exclaimed, "You were gorgeous!!!!" and then thanked me for showing her the picture because no, the way I look is not normal. (Seriously, she was really nice and tactful about it). This is my pity party, so dang it, I can say what I want, but yesterday, I decided that maybe I would go buy some cover-up or other makeup to try to fix my face. Enter tears. I have never once in my life had the need for cover-up. I dont' know HOW to buy it. I don't want to look like some ridiculous clown face, but honey, something's gotta be better than this!!
Could I sound more vain? No. However, I will tell you that this pregnancy has been a major break-through to the STUPID self-loathing I had done in the past. I WAS A BABE!!! I know, the grass is always greener, but seriously, wow.
Ok, I'm done pitying. So, if we go out somewhere, don't look at me and say, man, she's really let herself go. Because I haven't. I'M TRYING, but my body is NOT complying. I promise I will never judge another pregnant lady ever again. The end.
Posted by AnnEE at 8:54 AM